He's cute, fun, smart and you can't stop thinking about him. You're already three steps ahead of the game, mentally planning weddings, children and that giant house with the white picket fence. Finally, after all these years, the perfect relationship has finally been found. Happily ever after sure feels good, huh? Not so fast.
5 Things You Should Know If Your Partner Has an Avoidant Attachment Style - Verily
If I were to make a checklist of all the patterns the guys I repeatedly dated in my late teens and early twenties had, it'd look like this:. Sure, these men were all awful and hopefully done their own soul-searching, but after going to therapy and reading up about my own hangups, I realized that I picked these types over and over again for a reason. If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of dating the same type of bad man, there might be something bigger going on. And if you can reduce your chances of dating a trash human or just different iterations of the same trash human , why not, right? Here are seven types of Bad Men you may be hooked on, and why you just can't quit them:.
Dealing With a Partner Who Has a Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style
Those with an avoidant attachment style will often forgo intimacy for autonomy and self-sufficiency; however, avoidants have a heightened sense of awareness regarding their avoidant tendencies, knowing these propensities can hinder a relationship. While many psychologists claim those with avoidant attachment styles are the most damaging in relationships of the four types, I disagree. In fact, I believe dating the right type of avoidant can actually lead to a forever relationship. Avoidants are the ones who trust the least out of the types, but they will be cognizant of this. They will know that to truly trust someone will require them to be vulnerable.
Avoidant men are what you get when avoidant little boys grow up, their needs never met by attentive, caring parents. This is because of the way we raise men to be self-sufficient and not show their feelings. Scharfe studies insecure attachment in adults, and has found that there are two flavors of avoidant behavior—fearful and dismissive. Men are far more likely to display dismissive avoidant attachment, and Scharfe estimates that a large part of that is due to upbringing.